Pointless Punctuation

The Oxford comma should be abolished


Photo by Josh Montagne

The whiteboard is being used in the worst way possible.

The Oxford comma. The terror that strikes fear into children’s eyes and makes grown adults afraid to go outside. Many wonder why this atrocious monster was ever created. The world’s best minds have pondered this very question for centuries. Let me be clear, the terrible comma is horrifying and should be thrown out because it can interfere with sentence flow, make a piece of writing sound pretentious and look down-right ridiculous.

Before we get started, an Oxford comma is the last comma in a list of multiple items. For example: I like apples, bananas, blueberries, and oranges. The comma before “and” is what is called an Oxford comma.

An Oxford comma, sometimes referred to as a serial comma does exactly what it sounds like it does: it kills, and in this case it kills the sentence. A serial comma can ruin a writer or a reader’s flow as commas are supposed to act as a minor pause in the sentence. The disgusting comma acts as a dam preventing the sentence from reaching its full potential. But when you do not use an Oxford comma—like a normal-minded human being—the sentence can move on and get to the top of the mountain, as it was intended to.

As the name suggests, the inraging comma is used at Oxford University as well as Harvard University. This makes sense as to why the Oxford comma sounds so pretentious, as it is typically used in highly sophisticated scenarios. Just because James Bond might use it does not mean that civilians should. That grammatical disappointment is as bad as 007’s treatment of women.

Now, many people argue that the repulsive comma is good to clear up ambiguity, which is fair if there is a subject that comes after the punctuation. It is important to make sure that the writing is understandable, but otherwise, it is unnecessary.

The pointless comma is the most idiotic thing in writing. It is the Dasani Water of writing. If we must have it, we will take it, but we prefer to not even have it as an option. The agonizing punctuation is the rye toast of literature, meaning that if you use it there is definitely something wrong with you because it is absolutely absurd to use.

At the end of the day, we know it is clear, the Oxford comma can mess up writing flow, sounds snotty and is ultimately asinine to use which is exactly why the Oxford comma should be abolished.