The Event of the Season

Why skipping Mr. Jaguar Makes You an Automatic Loser

On March 5 and 6, Mr. Jaguar will be returning to the stage. And although I know you are already planning on attending, here is why you absolutely must be there: dancing, drama, and dudes.

After six weeks of extremely hard work and late afternoons in the auditorium lobby, these boys are ready to dance their hearts out. Extensive lessons in twerking, grinding and TikTok dances have prepared them for the spotlight.

“This is the most talented group of dancers I’ve ever seen,” dance coach Lauren Seurer said. “Talent seeps out of their pores.”

The boys have perfectly crafted a multitude of skits for your viewing pleasure. From spelling bees to the boxing ring, these gentlemen have some real Hollywood talent.

“I get to make fun of my friends,” contestant Jack Barnes said. “It’s allowed because it is part of a skit, so it will be awesome.”

Ripe with pure masculinity, the Mr. Jaguar boys have gone through a strict modeling audition to be given this prestigious opportunity. Every single member of the show has a perfectly aligned face, reaches 6 feet tall, and has eight rock-hard abs. They also treat their moms well.

“Every guy that joins Mr. Jaguar just has something to them,” contestant Brady Davis said. “They are all just so charming, hot, charismatic and stunning. I love them boys with all my heart.”